Some rules of etiquette should always be followed.

(I apologise in advance for the crass nature of this post)

Etiquette, even the word itself is as pretentious as its meaning. I’d like to point out that I am by no means an expert at etiquette; I never know how to sit at a table properly at a restaurant without looking like I’m about to skip out on the bill, and it always makes me feel awkward when the barman pours half your bottled cider into the glass for you. I always smile politely as I think “Seriously Mr. I got myself to the bar, I ordered this drink and was fully functional enough to pay for it correctly…I’m sure I can handle pouring it into a glass without a mini demonstration…”

There is however, one rule of etiquette that I believe should always be followed just as a matter of human decency. What is that I hear you cry? The answer is the general public’s ridiculous and stomach churning need to constantly pick their nose. Whoever told these people that picking your nose, in public let alone in the comfort of your own home was acceptable?! It literally makes me feel a little dizzy when I think about it because everywhere you go; mostly when you least expect it… you will come face to face with a full frontal, no shame at all, nose picker.

I think the worst part of this horrendous public display of repulsiveness is that nobody else seems to a) notice or b) care. People, this is a serious matter, picking germs and mucus out of your actual nose as you walk down the street, stop at a traffic light or look at some clothes in a shop is not acceptable! It has to stop. I was walking into town from my flat the other day and I was persistently haunted by incessant nose pickers. Imagine the scene, when you’re watching a film and someone just found out they’re pregnant and they see babies everywhere? Now imagine that in real life, only its worse… because my montage of images are of grubby people sticking a podgy index finger up their nostrils and having a good route around. I mean seriously, that is not the correct function for either body parts, please remove your finger now and never come near me again.

It got to the point where I was starting to feel a little queasy when I saw not only men but a woman in her posh car stopping at a light having a quick shuffle before returning her hand to the wheel. Attention lady, you might have a flashy sports car and a nice business suit but if you’re wedging your finger into your face in public you might as well be an urchin! Perhaps I just get a little too wound up about it but seriously, seeing your smeared mucus in any number of undesirable locations or in any fashion is not on my list of exciting things to do before you die! So, if you nauseating nose pickers would be so kind as to retract your fingers it’d be much appreciated. Also, if you are a sneaky nose picker (don’t worry I’m not going to tell anyone), especially a public one. Next time, as you reach that hand up to lodge it up your nostril think twice; there is always going to be some unfortunate soul that has to witness your public display of disgust!